Facades and Barriers

Okay, let’s face it we are all flawed. In some way or the other - we have warts! I do find it amazing that we humans seem to think that our view is the “right” view and that everyone else is warped. Come on, you know that sometimes you think that way too.

Why is that I wonder? Now I know it’s probably not healthy to always be thinking that everyone else has it together, has it right, understands the world better, etc. than I do. But why do I (dare I say we?) so readily jump to the conclusion that we have it all together and that everyone else has it all wrong?

Have you ever known a person that when you first met them you thought of them one way, but once you’d taken the time to really get to know them, took the time to see beneath the surface, a completely different character was revealed than that first view? Their facade didn’t represent their core?

So let’s look at facades for a minute. Webster’s states: “a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect.” Now for some reason when I read this definition I think of bandaids. Now my grandkids, they love bandaids. The brighter, more colorful the happier they are. If allowed they’d plaster these band aids all over their bodies! And how about those broken arms and legs your friends had in grade school? How cool was it when you got to write something clever and sign your name on those casts? I think I’ve said it before, I wanted a cast in the hopes that people would want to sign it! When I look at it like that, it’s not the wounds, hurts and brokenness I see. I think for me, then and my grandchildren, now we are only seeing the “glamour” of it.

But there are other bandages, other facades. These are the bandaids that aren’t so brightly colored, the skin tone ones that are almost hidden once applied, bandages where the wound beneath seeps through and stains the surface, the cast so covered with signatures you can’t even see the plaster anymore, it just appears dirty to your sight. Facades that have developed one wound at a time, layering one on top of the other, until eventually all you see is shell, that crust that is so thick and so harsh that all that is left to view are the negative aspects of it.

What would happen if instead of seeing it as someone putting on a false front, a superficial layer or appearance, what if I stretch my view just a little and realize that many a facade (most?) are protective bandages, casts, protective barriers. While these facades do conceal let’s not forget what’s beneath the surface, the hurts, the brokenness and let’s not forget that facades like bandages/casts may be needed in order for those wounds to heal.

I think it’s important too to remember that sometimes the facade we see on the other person isn’t always their facade at all but a reflection of one of our own. Barriers we project out so that we are not stretched into taking a personal risk for a deeper understanding of the other individual. In other words, sometimes it our problem we are seeing.

I was told yesterday that at times I seem unapproachable and I know that - I see that about myself. It’s a facade that I’ve been working on removing for years and with God’s help I know one day will be totally gone. I am blessed to have people in my life that love me enough to share insights with me, about me, and I do take them to heart - think about them, dissect them even, and then do my best to make appropriate changes that present my heart. I also try to take it one step further and make myself realize that if it hurts me that people have a “perception” of me that doesn’t truly match my heart - how many people do I hurt by accepting my perception of them without taking the time, taking the risk to get to really know them.

So here it is. If you think of someone as unlikeable, why not spin that thought and actually choose to like them? If you see someone as unapproachable, why not try approaching them? To put it bluntly (and yes I’ve been told that at times I’m too blunt) I just do not believe that it is 100% my responsibility to change your perception of me. I believe that we all carry a responsibility to realize that first, second and maybe even third impressions, are not always correct. That we have a responsibility to own our perceptions as our own thoughts and not necessarily universal truths of another individual. We carry equal responsibility in approaching one other in love, and while we may not always agree eye to eye on everything, I believe we all hold the responsibility of not laying another layer of facade onto one that is already too heavy of a burden to carry.

My prayer today is that I be an agent of change and renewed perceptions! That God grant me the ability to see beyond myself and my perceptions to the view He has. That He give me the ability, for today, to stretch my heart deeper and wider, to be His hands and His feet. That today that may mean approaching the unapproachable, loving the unloveable, and really listening to those who normally I cannot or will not hear.