For those of you who've been reading these posts it won't be a surprise that I've been on a journey of grief. A journey that instead of becoming easier to bear over time has strengthened it's hold on me.
I've felt punished, I've felt that I must have planted a bitter crop to be reaping the harvest I find myself reaping. I've felt depressed because it seems that God is hell bent on punishing me for something horrible I've done yet I have do idea what that was.
So I've been carrying this pain of constant loss, the pain of injustice, the pain of thinking that no one can or does understand what I feel, the pain when some well meaning people want to point out the reasons why it is "crazy" for me to feel the pain I feel and still be at this level of grief.
But where I believe that I've miss the mark the most is my need to focus on my pain, to allow it to burst forth a boiling cauldron of hot putrid acid. Spewing from my mind and hands in these blogged rants and raves. So, I've removed those past posts and today and perhaps only for today, I've decided to look forward with hope. To focus on good possibilities and to ask God to show me how He wants to use this situation, to mold me, to train me, to create or refine in me a specific character or pattern of behavior that He can use for His glory and for His Kingdom.
Judges 3:1-2 (NLT)
These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. 2 He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle.
It’s not about punishment at all. For a more rounded focus, I have to read the entire Bible and stop taking the verses that have been misunderstood for generations out of contex and understand them in conjunction with His grace, His Word in it's entirety. To know that it's not God who brings bad things on me. But it is God who takes all situations and works them for my good and His Glory. That maybe it’s about discipline? One definition of discipline is; “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior.”
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Complicated Grief
I found a term today that may describe me - but I'm not exactly sure. It's called complicated grief. The definition goes something like this; Complicated grief is unresolved grief that is a term used to describe a prolonged sense of mourning.
That pretty much sums it up for me right now doesn't it? Unresolved grief. Here's the problem, everything I read talks about helping the person get past the death of a loved one - helping them move through bereavement, mourn it out as it were, to get to place of health. Strangest thing though, I couldn't find anything telling me how to get past the type of loss that I am experiencing.
Recently I was praying and thinking that I don't ever want Andrew's mother to go through, to feel the things, that I am feeling. That I don't want her to have to reap what she is sewing and then it hit me.... What did I plant that the crop I'm reaping is so very bitter?
That pretty much sums it up for me right now doesn't it? Unresolved grief. Here's the problem, everything I read talks about helping the person get past the death of a loved one - helping them move through bereavement, mourn it out as it were, to get to place of health. Strangest thing though, I couldn't find anything telling me how to get past the type of loss that I am experiencing.
Recently I was praying and thinking that I don't ever want Andrew's mother to go through, to feel the things, that I am feeling. That I don't want her to have to reap what she is sewing and then it hit me.... What did I plant that the crop I'm reaping is so very bitter?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Jay's Tiny House Tour
I'm Wanting Less
Lately I've been feeling burdened by things. The house, the extra set of dishes, my DVD collection (that I never watch), the refrigerator in the garage, the extra bedroom suite in the guest room, the closet full of close in the guest room I no longer wear and even by the kitchen table that is really too large for that space. Now this isn't the first time that I have had these type of feelings. I've given away an above ground pool with deck as well as offering up the hot tub and surprisingly I've never regretted those decisions. And the more I think about it the more attractive it becomes, the loosening and letting go of things. Because it seems that it's the "things" that tie me down and hold me back, that keep me imprisoned on the path of maintaining the "things."
So I'm not sure if makes sense or not, but I dreaming about Jay's Little Tumbleweed house and how liberating having one like it of my own would be.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Facades and Barriers
Okay, let’s face it we are all flawed. In some way or the other - we have warts! I do find it amazing that we humans seem to think that our view is the “right” view and that everyone else is warped. Come on, you know that sometimes you think that way too.
Why is that I wonder? Now I know it’s probably not healthy to always be thinking that everyone else has it together, has it right, understands the world better, etc. than I do. But why do I (dare I say we?) so readily jump to the conclusion that we have it all together and that everyone else has it all wrong?
Have you ever known a person that when you first met them you thought of them one way, but once you’d taken the time to really get to know them, took the time to see beneath the surface, a completely different character was revealed than that first view? Their facade didn’t represent their core?
So let’s look at facades for a minute. Webster’s states: “a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect.” Now for some reason when I read this definition I think of bandaids. Now my grandkids, they love bandaids. The brighter, more colorful the happier they are. If allowed they’d plaster these band aids all over their bodies! And how about those broken arms and legs your friends had in grade school? How cool was it when you got to write something clever and sign your name on those casts? I think I’ve said it before, I wanted a cast in the hopes that people would want to sign it! When I look at it like that, it’s not the wounds, hurts and brokenness I see. I think for me, then and my grandchildren, now we are only seeing the “glamour” of it.
But there are other bandages, other facades. These are the bandaids that aren’t so brightly colored, the skin tone ones that are almost hidden once applied, bandages where the wound beneath seeps through and stains the surface, the cast so covered with signatures you can’t even see the plaster anymore, it just appears dirty to your sight. Facades that have developed one wound at a time, layering one on top of the other, until eventually all you see is shell, that crust that is so thick and so harsh that all that is left to view are the negative aspects of it.
What would happen if instead of seeing it as someone putting on a false front, a superficial layer or appearance, what if I stretch my view just a little and realize that many a facade (most?) are protective bandages, casts, protective barriers. While these facades do conceal let’s not forget what’s beneath the surface, the hurts, the brokenness and let’s not forget that facades like bandages/casts may be needed in order for those wounds to heal.
I think it’s important too to remember that sometimes the facade we see on the other person isn’t always their facade at all but a reflection of one of our own. Barriers we project out so that we are not stretched into taking a personal risk for a deeper understanding of the other individual. In other words, sometimes it our problem we are seeing.
I was told yesterday that at times I seem unapproachable and I know that - I see that about myself. It’s a facade that I’ve been working on removing for years and with God’s help I know one day will be totally gone. I am blessed to have people in my life that love me enough to share insights with me, about me, and I do take them to heart - think about them, dissect them even, and then do my best to make appropriate changes that present my heart. I also try to take it one step further and make myself realize that if it hurts me that people have a “perception” of me that doesn’t truly match my heart - how many people do I hurt by accepting my perception of them without taking the time, taking the risk to get to really know them.
So here it is. If you think of someone as unlikeable, why not spin that thought and actually choose to like them? If you see someone as unapproachable, why not try approaching them? To put it bluntly (and yes I’ve been told that at times I’m too blunt) I just do not believe that it is 100% my responsibility to change your perception of me. I believe that we all carry a responsibility to realize that first, second and maybe even third impressions, are not always correct. That we have a responsibility to own our perceptions as our own thoughts and not necessarily universal truths of another individual. We carry equal responsibility in approaching one other in love, and while we may not always agree eye to eye on everything, I believe we all hold the responsibility of not laying another layer of facade onto one that is already too heavy of a burden to carry.
My prayer today is that I be an agent of change and renewed perceptions! That God grant me the ability to see beyond myself and my perceptions to the view He has. That He give me the ability, for today, to stretch my heart deeper and wider, to be His hands and His feet. That today that may mean approaching the unapproachable, loving the unloveable, and really listening to those who normally I cannot or will not hear.
Why is that I wonder? Now I know it’s probably not healthy to always be thinking that everyone else has it together, has it right, understands the world better, etc. than I do. But why do I (dare I say we?) so readily jump to the conclusion that we have it all together and that everyone else has it all wrong?
Have you ever known a person that when you first met them you thought of them one way, but once you’d taken the time to really get to know them, took the time to see beneath the surface, a completely different character was revealed than that first view? Their facade didn’t represent their core?
So let’s look at facades for a minute. Webster’s states: “a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect.” Now for some reason when I read this definition I think of bandaids. Now my grandkids, they love bandaids. The brighter, more colorful the happier they are. If allowed they’d plaster these band aids all over their bodies! And how about those broken arms and legs your friends had in grade school? How cool was it when you got to write something clever and sign your name on those casts? I think I’ve said it before, I wanted a cast in the hopes that people would want to sign it! When I look at it like that, it’s not the wounds, hurts and brokenness I see. I think for me, then and my grandchildren, now we are only seeing the “glamour” of it.
But there are other bandages, other facades. These are the bandaids that aren’t so brightly colored, the skin tone ones that are almost hidden once applied, bandages where the wound beneath seeps through and stains the surface, the cast so covered with signatures you can’t even see the plaster anymore, it just appears dirty to your sight. Facades that have developed one wound at a time, layering one on top of the other, until eventually all you see is shell, that crust that is so thick and so harsh that all that is left to view are the negative aspects of it.
What would happen if instead of seeing it as someone putting on a false front, a superficial layer or appearance, what if I stretch my view just a little and realize that many a facade (most?) are protective bandages, casts, protective barriers. While these facades do conceal let’s not forget what’s beneath the surface, the hurts, the brokenness and let’s not forget that facades like bandages/casts may be needed in order for those wounds to heal.
I think it’s important too to remember that sometimes the facade we see on the other person isn’t always their facade at all but a reflection of one of our own. Barriers we project out so that we are not stretched into taking a personal risk for a deeper understanding of the other individual. In other words, sometimes it our problem we are seeing.
I was told yesterday that at times I seem unapproachable and I know that - I see that about myself. It’s a facade that I’ve been working on removing for years and with God’s help I know one day will be totally gone. I am blessed to have people in my life that love me enough to share insights with me, about me, and I do take them to heart - think about them, dissect them even, and then do my best to make appropriate changes that present my heart. I also try to take it one step further and make myself realize that if it hurts me that people have a “perception” of me that doesn’t truly match my heart - how many people do I hurt by accepting my perception of them without taking the time, taking the risk to get to really know them.
So here it is. If you think of someone as unlikeable, why not spin that thought and actually choose to like them? If you see someone as unapproachable, why not try approaching them? To put it bluntly (and yes I’ve been told that at times I’m too blunt) I just do not believe that it is 100% my responsibility to change your perception of me. I believe that we all carry a responsibility to realize that first, second and maybe even third impressions, are not always correct. That we have a responsibility to own our perceptions as our own thoughts and not necessarily universal truths of another individual. We carry equal responsibility in approaching one other in love, and while we may not always agree eye to eye on everything, I believe we all hold the responsibility of not laying another layer of facade onto one that is already too heavy of a burden to carry.
My prayer today is that I be an agent of change and renewed perceptions! That God grant me the ability to see beyond myself and my perceptions to the view He has. That He give me the ability, for today, to stretch my heart deeper and wider, to be His hands and His feet. That today that may mean approaching the unapproachable, loving the unloveable, and really listening to those who normally I cannot or will not hear.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Childhood's Country Pathway
When I was a little girl my father’s mother owned two small houses that were nestled in the “crook” of two mountains in Eastern Kentucky. To get to her place, you either had to walk the path from the main road up the mountain, following the trickling brook that was her natural drive or catch a ride and get bounced around on the hard metal bench seat of her Jeep Willy (which was the only vehicle that could safely make that treacherous run).
So we'd arrive and Dad would park the car just off the main road, then we'd embark and travel the short distance to my other grandmother’s front porch whose house was situated at the foot of the mountain. Dad could only sit for a short while before he'd start to fidget and before you knew it (barely enough time to be polite most days) he’d be asking “Who’s walking up the creek with me?”
Now, I never volunteered to walk “up the creek” with Dad. There were two reasons for this, neither of which were that I didn’t like spending time with Dad. But Dad was always in a hurry to arrive at his Mom’s and if I was going to walk that path, I needed the time for the adventure that this path lent itself. And, if I couldn’t walk it alone I’d rather wait on the Jeep Willy and take the bumpy ride up the mountain! But, if I was really lucky I got to walk it alone or with my brothers and sister who always ran off ahead of me and left me alone to my imagination.
The path was marvelously secluded and within 30 yards from Grandma’s back door it took the slightest of turns and immediately her house and yard were effectively blocked from sight and I was transported to a far off uninhabited land. This land was filled with exotic animals, cool breezes and the choices of foods that you could pluck right off trees or from vines growing along the ground.
The first opportunity for adventure was what I lovingly called the “jungle.” Strange and mysterious, the jungle was just too my right as I made it past the first incline up the mountain. In reality this was a small grove of trees, maybe 20 or 30 in all, the largest with a trunk of about 4” in diameter with heights topping out at about 10 feet. These jungle trees were speckled with small hard red berry clusters that you could not eat - so I always thought of them as Snow White’s poisonous apples. I never knew where my imagination would take me or what I might encounter if I ventured into the jungle, but I did know that if anyone was with me they’d not share the interest I had in tarrying there for a spell.
Once I had spent the necessary time to slay a few dragons, or pet the few tame lions and tigers I’d find, it was time to continue on my way. Staying on the pathway, steadily climbing higher and higher, the next area I entered was an enchanted forest. The trees were larger here with limbs so long they drooped against the ground sweeping it clean as they swayed in the breeze. A canopy so thick above you that all you could get was the “impression” of sunlight as it peeked through the shadows and murkiness created by the heavy foliage. The ground carpeted in a thick lush sweet green moss which was the perfect place to lay down and rest for awhile or to remove my shoes and allow my toes to tickle in the smoothness of its mossy goodness.
From here I’d have to make a choice, to remain on the path or to jump into the stream, whose coolness beckoned to me. If I was feeling hungry or if I thought it was the right season for it, I’d stick to the path as I knew that just over the next little rise there was a tree that loved to tempt me by holding its treasure just beyond my normal reach. I’d take a deep breath and plunge forward running as fast as I could to give myself the needed lift to jump high enough so that hopefully I could harvest a few berries from this temptress. Huge dark purple berries simply dangling there giving me the motivation to “almost” fly and what a glorious victory when I was successful in grabbing a few of these, savoring each bite as they'd burst, hot and sweet on my tongue, creating a party in my mouth that is indescribable to this very day some five decades later.
Eventually if I hadn’t already done so, I’d take whatever shoes I was wearing off and splash into the stream. Wild mint grew abundantly along the little hump of ground that rose in the middle of the stream and as I waded I’d pluck a few leaves and munch on their goodness as though it was chewing gum. Within another 30 or 40 yards the tunnel of greenery would begin to open and I could see the stream getting smaller and smaller as I looked to the right and up the mountain with a dirt road immerging and taking a sharp turn to the left. Just where this dirt road and stream met a burst of sunlight could be seen making an assault on the water, cutting diamonds of light and tossing them up into the air in what seemed every direction.
When I was younger I’d stop just inside the umbrella of the trees, looking for crawdads or witch doctors, wishing I had a jar or box with me so that I could catch a few to keep like I did lightning bugs - always planning on bringing one with me the next time I came.
As I grew older and the fascination with crawdads and witch doctors began to fade, I’d stop at this exact spot, looking ahead to the small field that ran just to the left of the dirt road before it made its last assault upward to the house. There I’d imagine my young prince, setting proud on a beautiful horse, blond, blue eyed and waiting to effortlessly reach down and toss me up just behind him.... but we never got to ride off together as by this time, every time, there would be someone calling my name waking me from my adventures and I’d run up the last little hill to grandma’s stopping only long enough to pluck up a few wild strawberries along the path, totally forgetting about crawdads, witch doctors, and handsome princes in my quest to see the folks waiting for me just around the bend.
So we'd arrive and Dad would park the car just off the main road, then we'd embark and travel the short distance to my other grandmother’s front porch whose house was situated at the foot of the mountain. Dad could only sit for a short while before he'd start to fidget and before you knew it (barely enough time to be polite most days) he’d be asking “Who’s walking up the creek with me?”
Now, I never volunteered to walk “up the creek” with Dad. There were two reasons for this, neither of which were that I didn’t like spending time with Dad. But Dad was always in a hurry to arrive at his Mom’s and if I was going to walk that path, I needed the time for the adventure that this path lent itself. And, if I couldn’t walk it alone I’d rather wait on the Jeep Willy and take the bumpy ride up the mountain! But, if I was really lucky I got to walk it alone or with my brothers and sister who always ran off ahead of me and left me alone to my imagination.
The path was marvelously secluded and within 30 yards from Grandma’s back door it took the slightest of turns and immediately her house and yard were effectively blocked from sight and I was transported to a far off uninhabited land. This land was filled with exotic animals, cool breezes and the choices of foods that you could pluck right off trees or from vines growing along the ground.
The first opportunity for adventure was what I lovingly called the “jungle.” Strange and mysterious, the jungle was just too my right as I made it past the first incline up the mountain. In reality this was a small grove of trees, maybe 20 or 30 in all, the largest with a trunk of about 4” in diameter with heights topping out at about 10 feet. These jungle trees were speckled with small hard red berry clusters that you could not eat - so I always thought of them as Snow White’s poisonous apples. I never knew where my imagination would take me or what I might encounter if I ventured into the jungle, but I did know that if anyone was with me they’d not share the interest I had in tarrying there for a spell.
Once I had spent the necessary time to slay a few dragons, or pet the few tame lions and tigers I’d find, it was time to continue on my way. Staying on the pathway, steadily climbing higher and higher, the next area I entered was an enchanted forest. The trees were larger here with limbs so long they drooped against the ground sweeping it clean as they swayed in the breeze. A canopy so thick above you that all you could get was the “impression” of sunlight as it peeked through the shadows and murkiness created by the heavy foliage. The ground carpeted in a thick lush sweet green moss which was the perfect place to lay down and rest for awhile or to remove my shoes and allow my toes to tickle in the smoothness of its mossy goodness.
From here I’d have to make a choice, to remain on the path or to jump into the stream, whose coolness beckoned to me. If I was feeling hungry or if I thought it was the right season for it, I’d stick to the path as I knew that just over the next little rise there was a tree that loved to tempt me by holding its treasure just beyond my normal reach. I’d take a deep breath and plunge forward running as fast as I could to give myself the needed lift to jump high enough so that hopefully I could harvest a few berries from this temptress. Huge dark purple berries simply dangling there giving me the motivation to “almost” fly and what a glorious victory when I was successful in grabbing a few of these, savoring each bite as they'd burst, hot and sweet on my tongue, creating a party in my mouth that is indescribable to this very day some five decades later.
Eventually if I hadn’t already done so, I’d take whatever shoes I was wearing off and splash into the stream. Wild mint grew abundantly along the little hump of ground that rose in the middle of the stream and as I waded I’d pluck a few leaves and munch on their goodness as though it was chewing gum. Within another 30 or 40 yards the tunnel of greenery would begin to open and I could see the stream getting smaller and smaller as I looked to the right and up the mountain with a dirt road immerging and taking a sharp turn to the left. Just where this dirt road and stream met a burst of sunlight could be seen making an assault on the water, cutting diamonds of light and tossing them up into the air in what seemed every direction.
When I was younger I’d stop just inside the umbrella of the trees, looking for crawdads or witch doctors, wishing I had a jar or box with me so that I could catch a few to keep like I did lightning bugs - always planning on bringing one with me the next time I came.
As I grew older and the fascination with crawdads and witch doctors began to fade, I’d stop at this exact spot, looking ahead to the small field that ran just to the left of the dirt road before it made its last assault upward to the house. There I’d imagine my young prince, setting proud on a beautiful horse, blond, blue eyed and waiting to effortlessly reach down and toss me up just behind him.... but we never got to ride off together as by this time, every time, there would be someone calling my name waking me from my adventures and I’d run up the last little hill to grandma’s stopping only long enough to pluck up a few wild strawberries along the path, totally forgetting about crawdads, witch doctors, and handsome princes in my quest to see the folks waiting for me just around the bend.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Advocate Needed!
I was doing some reading the other day and came across a story that really caught my attention. It’s a story about a horrible turn of events in the life of a rancher. According to the story this guy was a successful man - in fact he was considered one of the wealthiest men in his area. The story actually listed some of the livestock that he owned 7000 sheep, 3000 ostriches, about a 1000 head of cattle and 500 or so chickens. He seemed to me to be a well diversified.
Now this man had a really large family, seven grown sons and three daughters. The sons, all married with families, lived right on the property and when they weren’t working the ranch together they were throwing parties; taking turns having their family members over and just spending time together. Now by this point I’m thinking this must be one extremely well adjusted family, made me stop and wonder if my family could be that close and still get along...
Another point in the story that really jumped out at me was how the author began the story by talking about what a good man this rancher was, living a life of integrity, always trying to do right and in spite of all his success he appeared to be a really good man. He had never been involved in any type of scandal, was honest and made it a practice to help his neighbors where ever or whenever he saw that there was a need.
Then one day while he and his wife were away, I don’t remember exactly why – maybe a vacation, a devastating tornado hit his ranch resulting in total destruction. He lost his home, he lost his family, he lost his wealth; you see all he had, all he owned was tied up into that ranch. When it was over he and his wife were left with only the land now swept bare by the storm, the only homes the graves of their entire family and ranch hands. Can you imagine, in one afternoon losing everything? Your children, your grand kids, friends, and people you loved and felt responsible to keep safe?
Even with all this destruction, and in the midst of his mourning this man somehow found it within his spirit to praise God to continue to give God the glory! It was amazing the faith he had.
Now you’d think that this man had suffered enough and I don’t know if he caught this disease or if it just happened because of the horrible stress that he’d been under but within what seems like days he broke out with a skin disease, a rash that covered every inch of his body. According to the story there wasn’t even one spot on him that wasn’t covered with the rash, it itched so much that when medicine couldn’t give him any relief he actually scraped the skin right off his body.
And still in the midst of this, he praised God. His wife couldn’t understand it! She even asked him, “Why are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Go ahead curse God so you can die!”
About this time three of his friends show up, now I don’t know why they weren’t there before when he had buried his family, but suddenly here they come to comfort and console him. You cannot imagine how shocked they were! When they saw him, he looked so bad that they didn’t know it was him, couldn’t recognize him. When they saw how he was suffering it was too great for words; so they just sat there beside him. For seven days and seven nights, they sat right next to him and didn’t say anything. For one entire week these men sat together and not a one of them uttered one word.
Just think about that, friends just setting with you, setting beside you, holding you up, just being there for you in your pain for an entire week and not saying one word. What do you think about that? It’s hard for me to even imagine.
After seven days of being held close, being consoled in silence, this rancher finally can speak, so still deep in his grief he begins expressing his hurt and frustration. While he still won’t curse God, he does curse the day he was born, curses the very night he was conceived and wishes that that night be blotted off the calendar - that that night be totally childless. Think about that, he is in so much pain that his cry is that no child would have been conceived on that night - but since that can’t happen his one wish is that he die; he is so deep in his despair that the only thing that he can think of to make the pain stop is that he dies. Mourning so deeply he cannot eat, groans are pouring out of his mouth like water, what he most dreaded all his life has come true, he has no peace, no quietness, all he has - all he can see is his troubles.
Then after being so supportive, after setting there for a week offering silent support his friends start speaking. The first friend quickly tells him that he needs to be patient and accept the punishment for whatever he has obviously done wrong, basically that he has brought these catastrophes onto himself because of his wrong doing. He even goes so far as to tell the rancher that God gave him a vision telling him that there is no way that the rancher is innocent, no way he can be pure and that he needs to take the punishment, listen to his (the friend’s, not God’s) counsel and apply it to himself.
In other words his friend is saying, I don’t care how good you looked you’ve had to have brought these things on yourself through some bad behavior. I always knew you were no better than me and now I can see you’ve must be worse! I’ve never had any of this happen. God is obviously with me. Now suck it up, stop complaining and take your punishment after all God is just and He wouldn’t have let this happen to you otherwise!
When this doesn’t really go over too well with the rancher, his second friend speaks and informs him that if it wasn’t you who did wrong, then obviously it had to be your children so their (the children’s) punishment was well deserved. They wouldn’t have been destroyed if they hadn’t been wicked.
At this point, I’m completely surprised that he hasn’t sent his friends packing. Maybe he would have if he’d had any strength left. I wonder how many times I’ve done what was right, shown the proper support and love to my friends to only wipe it out my opening my big mouth and making mean and hurtful statements disguised as truth.
Well as you can imagine the rancher has plenty to say, which leads his third friend to step into the conversation. I mean these three guys leave their homes, their jobs and their families and haven’t done anything for an entire week other than set with this rancher, which should have earned them the privilege to speak their minds, right? I mean after that, shouldn’t have the rancher been happy to hear their views on the matter? So by now these friends seem to be pretty ticked off too, so in anger the third friend now speaks up and basically blasts the rancher that anyone can say they’re done nothing wrong – that his words don’t prove him innocent! The destruction proves to the contrary, that someone either him or his children or both are to blame. This is all about karma, that rancher just couldn’t have been living the right kind life!
Well as expected the Rancher is done with talking with his friends. He is miserable and feels as though they’ve set him up – given him false hope that he could grieve, could speak his mind and be open and emotionally vulnerable with them. But their words have wiped out all the good they accomplished in those first seven days.
What do you think about this story so far? Have you ever heard it? Who do you think the rancher is?
Yes Job! I remember reading the book of Job and really being confused by it. I’ve got to tell you, for years I totally missed the seven days of silence and really sort of thought that the friends, while not wise in their timing and presentation were speaking some truths to Job. Now be honest, who is with me in that?
But what if this story really isn’t about earthly catastrophe at all? Or how our friends do or do not respond to us. What if it’s about something totally different?
Let’s look at just a few of the verses in the first portion of Job:
Job 1:5b
He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, “Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.”
Job 1:21 and I Tim 6:7
I came naked from my mother’s womb and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!
Job 4:9 and 2 Thes 2:8
A breath of God destroys them. They vanish in a blast of His anger.
Job 16: 7&8
Oh God, you have ground me down and devastated my family. As if to prove I have sinned, you’ve reduced me to skin and bones.
Are you maybe seeing a pattern? What are your thoughts on this? What I hear is the basic theme that they are overwhelmed with their fear of God.
Now the way I see it, it’s this fear of God that is the strongest motivator for both Job and his friends. Job has lived his life up to this point based on his fear of God and it’s one of the things that kept his friends trying to get him to reconcile that he is to blame, that he needed to stop complaining and just take his punishment. Just stop whining or God just might blast them all away with the breath of His anger!
But Job wants more, he wants to be able to speak with God – to cry his heart out to the God of universe both in pain and rejoicing and he wants to know that not only will God hear him, but that God will actually answer him – face to face! At this point he actually wants to take God to trial. He wants someone to be his mediator, his advocate.
Job 9:32 and Rom 9:20
God is not mortal like me, so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial.
Job 10:1, 2
I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul must complain. I will say to God, “Don’t simply condemn me – tell me the charge you are bringing against me.
Job 16:19
Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high.
Job 16:21
I need someone to mediate between God and me.
And finally God does speak, He answers Job. Actually does a pretty good job of putting Job in his place. When I read God’s response, I don’t know if it’s my personality coming through, but I hear some sarcasm.
But Job finally receives the true desire of his heart. It wasn’t that, Job wanted everything to be answered in his favor – he just wanted answers from God.
Here’s Job’s comment and oh, how I love this one!
Job 42:6
I had only heard about You before, now I have seen you with my own eyes!
Now, I have seen you with my own eyes! This really brings my heart joy. The way I understand this, once for Job, there was just the fear of God. He did what he did, out of fear – in the hopes of a good response. When he was grieving, Job looked for a friend to pour his heart out too, his wife wasn’t much help and his three friends while starting out well finished poorly and actually brought more hurt and pain to Job than he had already experienced. But Job wouldn’t stop. Even in his pain, with his laments, he still sought God. He asked for a mediator, a true friend, someone to stand between him and his fear of God.
For everything that the story of Job is and that the story of Job tells us, I am convinced that it is the very heart of all of our stories. The story of all mankind, how our wrongness, our sins separate us from God. How it is impossible for us to really comfort and console one another. How it is really impossible for us to bridge the gap from fear to friend. From trying to figure out the reasons bad things happen to being able to talk to God face to face about everything that happens.
Because you see when God answered Job, He answered that desire (filled the empty God hole) for all of us. All that we have to do is to seek it – even when or especially when we are in the very depths of our trouble.
2 Cor. 7:10
For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
You see God gave us a mediator, a perfect mediator! A mediator that wants to come along side of us, to comfort and console us – a mediator that took our guilty verdict upon Himself so that the charges wouldn’t be placed on us. (I’m convinced the evidence has been wiped clean, washed away.) I am reminded of the woman caught in adultery that was brought before Jesus by the Pharisees. They wanted Jesus to condemn her and have her stoned to death because of her sins. After writing on the ground for while, he simply states, “Those without sin, throw the first stone.” Doesn’t take long for her accusers to scatter, then He looks right in her eyes and says, “Woman where are your accusers?” When she states they are gone, He says, “Neither do I accuse you, go and sin no more.” (John 8)
First Timothy 2:5 states:
For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus.
When we see Jesus, we see our Mediator, we’ve seen God with our own eyes!
Now this man had a really large family, seven grown sons and three daughters. The sons, all married with families, lived right on the property and when they weren’t working the ranch together they were throwing parties; taking turns having their family members over and just spending time together. Now by this point I’m thinking this must be one extremely well adjusted family, made me stop and wonder if my family could be that close and still get along...
Another point in the story that really jumped out at me was how the author began the story by talking about what a good man this rancher was, living a life of integrity, always trying to do right and in spite of all his success he appeared to be a really good man. He had never been involved in any type of scandal, was honest and made it a practice to help his neighbors where ever or whenever he saw that there was a need.
Then one day while he and his wife were away, I don’t remember exactly why – maybe a vacation, a devastating tornado hit his ranch resulting in total destruction. He lost his home, he lost his family, he lost his wealth; you see all he had, all he owned was tied up into that ranch. When it was over he and his wife were left with only the land now swept bare by the storm, the only homes the graves of their entire family and ranch hands. Can you imagine, in one afternoon losing everything? Your children, your grand kids, friends, and people you loved and felt responsible to keep safe?
Even with all this destruction, and in the midst of his mourning this man somehow found it within his spirit to praise God to continue to give God the glory! It was amazing the faith he had.
Now you’d think that this man had suffered enough and I don’t know if he caught this disease or if it just happened because of the horrible stress that he’d been under but within what seems like days he broke out with a skin disease, a rash that covered every inch of his body. According to the story there wasn’t even one spot on him that wasn’t covered with the rash, it itched so much that when medicine couldn’t give him any relief he actually scraped the skin right off his body.
And still in the midst of this, he praised God. His wife couldn’t understand it! She even asked him, “Why are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Go ahead curse God so you can die!”
About this time three of his friends show up, now I don’t know why they weren’t there before when he had buried his family, but suddenly here they come to comfort and console him. You cannot imagine how shocked they were! When they saw him, he looked so bad that they didn’t know it was him, couldn’t recognize him. When they saw how he was suffering it was too great for words; so they just sat there beside him. For seven days and seven nights, they sat right next to him and didn’t say anything. For one entire week these men sat together and not a one of them uttered one word.
Just think about that, friends just setting with you, setting beside you, holding you up, just being there for you in your pain for an entire week and not saying one word. What do you think about that? It’s hard for me to even imagine.
After seven days of being held close, being consoled in silence, this rancher finally can speak, so still deep in his grief he begins expressing his hurt and frustration. While he still won’t curse God, he does curse the day he was born, curses the very night he was conceived and wishes that that night be blotted off the calendar - that that night be totally childless. Think about that, he is in so much pain that his cry is that no child would have been conceived on that night - but since that can’t happen his one wish is that he die; he is so deep in his despair that the only thing that he can think of to make the pain stop is that he dies. Mourning so deeply he cannot eat, groans are pouring out of his mouth like water, what he most dreaded all his life has come true, he has no peace, no quietness, all he has - all he can see is his troubles.
Then after being so supportive, after setting there for a week offering silent support his friends start speaking. The first friend quickly tells him that he needs to be patient and accept the punishment for whatever he has obviously done wrong, basically that he has brought these catastrophes onto himself because of his wrong doing. He even goes so far as to tell the rancher that God gave him a vision telling him that there is no way that the rancher is innocent, no way he can be pure and that he needs to take the punishment, listen to his (the friend’s, not God’s) counsel and apply it to himself.
In other words his friend is saying, I don’t care how good you looked you’ve had to have brought these things on yourself through some bad behavior. I always knew you were no better than me and now I can see you’ve must be worse! I’ve never had any of this happen. God is obviously with me. Now suck it up, stop complaining and take your punishment after all God is just and He wouldn’t have let this happen to you otherwise!
When this doesn’t really go over too well with the rancher, his second friend speaks and informs him that if it wasn’t you who did wrong, then obviously it had to be your children so their (the children’s) punishment was well deserved. They wouldn’t have been destroyed if they hadn’t been wicked.
At this point, I’m completely surprised that he hasn’t sent his friends packing. Maybe he would have if he’d had any strength left. I wonder how many times I’ve done what was right, shown the proper support and love to my friends to only wipe it out my opening my big mouth and making mean and hurtful statements disguised as truth.
Well as you can imagine the rancher has plenty to say, which leads his third friend to step into the conversation. I mean these three guys leave their homes, their jobs and their families and haven’t done anything for an entire week other than set with this rancher, which should have earned them the privilege to speak their minds, right? I mean after that, shouldn’t have the rancher been happy to hear their views on the matter? So by now these friends seem to be pretty ticked off too, so in anger the third friend now speaks up and basically blasts the rancher that anyone can say they’re done nothing wrong – that his words don’t prove him innocent! The destruction proves to the contrary, that someone either him or his children or both are to blame. This is all about karma, that rancher just couldn’t have been living the right kind life!
Well as expected the Rancher is done with talking with his friends. He is miserable and feels as though they’ve set him up – given him false hope that he could grieve, could speak his mind and be open and emotionally vulnerable with them. But their words have wiped out all the good they accomplished in those first seven days.
What do you think about this story so far? Have you ever heard it? Who do you think the rancher is?
Yes Job! I remember reading the book of Job and really being confused by it. I’ve got to tell you, for years I totally missed the seven days of silence and really sort of thought that the friends, while not wise in their timing and presentation were speaking some truths to Job. Now be honest, who is with me in that?
But what if this story really isn’t about earthly catastrophe at all? Or how our friends do or do not respond to us. What if it’s about something totally different?
Let’s look at just a few of the verses in the first portion of Job:
Job 1:5b
He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, “Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts.”
Job 1:21 and I Tim 6:7
I came naked from my mother’s womb and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!
Job 4:9 and 2 Thes 2:8
A breath of God destroys them. They vanish in a blast of His anger.
Job 16: 7&8
Oh God, you have ground me down and devastated my family. As if to prove I have sinned, you’ve reduced me to skin and bones.
Are you maybe seeing a pattern? What are your thoughts on this? What I hear is the basic theme that they are overwhelmed with their fear of God.
Now the way I see it, it’s this fear of God that is the strongest motivator for both Job and his friends. Job has lived his life up to this point based on his fear of God and it’s one of the things that kept his friends trying to get him to reconcile that he is to blame, that he needed to stop complaining and just take his punishment. Just stop whining or God just might blast them all away with the breath of His anger!
But Job wants more, he wants to be able to speak with God – to cry his heart out to the God of universe both in pain and rejoicing and he wants to know that not only will God hear him, but that God will actually answer him – face to face! At this point he actually wants to take God to trial. He wants someone to be his mediator, his advocate.
Job 9:32 and Rom 9:20
God is not mortal like me, so I cannot argue with him or take him to trial.
Job 10:1, 2
I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul must complain. I will say to God, “Don’t simply condemn me – tell me the charge you are bringing against me.
Job 16:19
Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high.
Job 16:21
I need someone to mediate between God and me.
And finally God does speak, He answers Job. Actually does a pretty good job of putting Job in his place. When I read God’s response, I don’t know if it’s my personality coming through, but I hear some sarcasm.
But Job finally receives the true desire of his heart. It wasn’t that, Job wanted everything to be answered in his favor – he just wanted answers from God.
Here’s Job’s comment and oh, how I love this one!
Job 42:6
I had only heard about You before, now I have seen you with my own eyes!
Now, I have seen you with my own eyes! This really brings my heart joy. The way I understand this, once for Job, there was just the fear of God. He did what he did, out of fear – in the hopes of a good response. When he was grieving, Job looked for a friend to pour his heart out too, his wife wasn’t much help and his three friends while starting out well finished poorly and actually brought more hurt and pain to Job than he had already experienced. But Job wouldn’t stop. Even in his pain, with his laments, he still sought God. He asked for a mediator, a true friend, someone to stand between him and his fear of God.
For everything that the story of Job is and that the story of Job tells us, I am convinced that it is the very heart of all of our stories. The story of all mankind, how our wrongness, our sins separate us from God. How it is impossible for us to really comfort and console one another. How it is really impossible for us to bridge the gap from fear to friend. From trying to figure out the reasons bad things happen to being able to talk to God face to face about everything that happens.
Because you see when God answered Job, He answered that desire (filled the empty God hole) for all of us. All that we have to do is to seek it – even when or especially when we are in the very depths of our trouble.
2 Cor. 7:10
For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
You see God gave us a mediator, a perfect mediator! A mediator that wants to come along side of us, to comfort and console us – a mediator that took our guilty verdict upon Himself so that the charges wouldn’t be placed on us. (I’m convinced the evidence has been wiped clean, washed away.) I am reminded of the woman caught in adultery that was brought before Jesus by the Pharisees. They wanted Jesus to condemn her and have her stoned to death because of her sins. After writing on the ground for while, he simply states, “Those without sin, throw the first stone.” Doesn’t take long for her accusers to scatter, then He looks right in her eyes and says, “Woman where are your accusers?” When she states they are gone, He says, “Neither do I accuse you, go and sin no more.” (John 8)
First Timothy 2:5 states:
For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus.
When we see Jesus, we see our Mediator, we’ve seen God with our own eyes!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Cost of Forgiveness
I make it a practice, every morning to read scripture. This is my personal time of study, prayer and devotions to God. And it never fails that regardless where I’m focusing my attention that God will bring something to the front of my mind that I’ve never really seen before. Any of your guys ever have that happen to you?
The other morning I was reading in the Old Testament studying that time after God had brought His people out of slavery in Egypt and under Joshua’s leadership was giving them the promised land, one battle at a time - this verse caught my eye:
Judges 1:6-7 (NASB)
But Adoni-bezek fled; and they pursued him and caught him and cut off his thumbs and big toes.
7Adoni-bezek said, "Seventy kings with their thumbs and their big toes cut off used to gather up scraps under my table; as I have done, so God has repaid me." So they brought him to Jerusalem and he died there.
WOW! Can you imagine – having both your thumbs and both your big toes cut off? I read that and stopped dead in my tracks, trying to think just what that would be like. How humiliating. Especially for a warrior – instead of a steady and purposeful walk, I’d always forever after be wobbly with unsure feet. And that’s not to mention never being able to handle a sword again which I think was the weapon of choice then. I mean, how’d I even hold a fork? You know a lot of scientists say that the biggest difference between humans and other mammals are our apposing thumbs…………. Needless to say I spent several days just pondering having my big toes and both my thumbs cut off.
I just kept going back time and time again to these two verses and I finally landed on that 2nd verse. King Adoni-bezek himself had done this very same thing to 70 kings who afterwards were reduced to gather the scraps from under his table as they were no longer able to provide for themselves……
When I was a little girl, I loved to hang out with the adults. Listen in on their conversations and maybe if I was lucky be the center of attention for a little while. I remember it feeling so good, and eventually I’d start acting out a little – something my Mother called being “brigaddy.” Any of you ever hear that word, brigaddy? Anyway I’d start showing off, and one of the adults (usually one of the Aunts) would look me straight in the eye and say, “Little girl you’d better watch yourself, cause you’re going to reap what you sow.” Might not always be those exact words, sometimes it was “Laugh now, cry later;” Or “won’t be near as much fun if your Daddy catches you acting like that!” Man did they know how to dampen a party and bring me down. Because regardless of their exact words, I got their meaning! I was acting badly and I was going to pay for that bad behavior! I was going to reap the consequences for my behavior.
The more I read the more it seemed to me that King Adoni-bezek must have grown up around some of my relatives because he certainly was “getting” that same concept. He himself said, “As I have done, so God has repaid me.”
Now while I believe that there are consequences for my behavior, it doesn’t always set well with me when I’m pondering God’s mercy and grace in the New Testament with His “an eye for eye and a tooth for a tooth” in the Old. Any of you ever think like that, or am I the only one?
I mean it sort of seems that God is pretty ticked off through a lot of the Old Testament. Just look how quickly the victory in chapter 1 of Judges turns to God’s anger in chapter 2. It seems almost instantly the Israelites have gone and done it again and it isn’t near as much fun when Daddy catches them acting badly again!
Judges 2:20-23 (NLT)
So the anger of the LORD burned against Israel, and He said, "Because this nation has transgressed My covenant which I commanded their fathers and has not listened to My voice,
21(I also will no longer drive out before them any of the nations which Joshua left when he died,
22in order to (test Israel by them, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk in it as their fathers did, or not."
23So the LORD allowed those nations to remain, not driving them out quickly; and He did not give them into the hand of Joshua.
So which is He? Is He the “Eye for an Eye,” God or the “Mercy and Grace,” Savior?
No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t come up with an answer that made sense to me, so I decided to just keep reading and trusting that God is love and love is all about mercy and love is all about grace and trusting is all about faith. Faith that even when I can’t understand and don’t have the capacity for it that God is always faithful and true and can be trusted. Then I came to the third chapter of Judges.
Judges 3:1-2 (NLT)
These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. 2 He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle.
Wait a minute, maybe it’s not about punishment at all. Maybe it’s about discipline? One definition of discipline is; “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior.”
God wasn’t just being mean, punishing the Israelites for bad behavior. He was disciplining them – teaching them to be warriors so they could defend themselves. He loved them so much that He wanted them prepared for life and even though it was in His power to do so, for some reason He just didn’t hand it over to them - they had to do some work for it. Really sounds like a parent doesn’t it. His heart was for His children’s good, so He allowed a situation, circumstance, through which they could learn a specific character or pattern of behavior – He had an outcome in mind other than retribution! He wanted them successfully involved in their outcomes!
So this thought begs the question, when was the last time you had your thumbs and big toes cut off? What was your situation? Did you, like King Adoni-bezek, believe or even say, “God has repaid me?” Or maybe you tried to figure out what you’d done that made God mad enough to bring the catastrophe, this situation I'm seeing as punishment?
But let’s take a closer look.
Judges 2:11-16
The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight and served the images of Baal. They abandoned the lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They went after other gods, worshiping the gods of the people around them. And they angered the Lord. They abandoned the Lord to serve Baal and the images of Ashtoreth. This made the Lord burn with anger against Israel, so He handed them over to their enemies all around, and they were no longer able to resist them, causing them to be defected as as He had warned. And the people were in great distress.
Let’s continue....
Judges 1:16 Then the Lord raised up judges to rescue the Israelites from their attackers.
Now, let that all sink in just for a minute. How many times have I always focused on the “punishment,” here and not really comprehended everything that is being communicated.
1) They had been warned, time and time again - instructed on how to behave. Were told that they behavior had consequences. They refused to listen, like many children, believing they knew what was best and that they didn’t have to follow God’s
(Daddy's) instructions.
2) When their behavior opened the door to catastrophe, like most children do - they cried out to their Daddy (God) to take over and save them and get them out of a horrible situation (one created by their behavior).
3)God’s love for His children is so strong that even though it happened time and time and He knew they’d behave badly again and again, He stepped in with a plan to save them. (Judges 1:16)
He forgave them, put a plan in place that would give them the tools to be successful and it didn’t cost them anything. All they had to do was receive it. Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Sounds like mercy, grace and love to me. Sounds like I've been focusing on the wrong portion of the scriptures!
According to Timothy Keller’s book “Prodigal God;” “Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer - if the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn’t mercy.” But this doesn’t mean that forgiveness is free, “forgiveness always comes at a cost to the One granting the forgiveness.”
You see God not only stepped in with a plan to save the Israelites this time, but because He’s God, He knew that they’d need help time and time again. He knew that we’d never be able to manage it either on our own either. He knew that forgiveness would be costly, not to us - but to Him. As Keller writes, “Jesus was stripped naked of His robe and dignity so that we could be clothed with a dignity and standing we don’t deserve. On the cross Jesus was treated as an outcast so that we could be brought into God’s family freely by grace. There Jesus drank the cup of eternal justice so that we might have the cup of the Father’s joy. There was no other way for the heavenly Father to bring us in, except at the expense of our true elder brother.”
He loves me so much that He's willing to discipline me as any good parent does and He willing paid the costs involved in forgiveness. How awesome is that?
The other morning I was reading in the Old Testament studying that time after God had brought His people out of slavery in Egypt and under Joshua’s leadership was giving them the promised land, one battle at a time - this verse caught my eye:
Judges 1:6-7 (NASB)
But Adoni-bezek fled; and they pursued him and caught him and cut off his thumbs and big toes.
7Adoni-bezek said, "Seventy kings with their thumbs and their big toes cut off used to gather up scraps under my table; as I have done, so God has repaid me." So they brought him to Jerusalem and he died there.
WOW! Can you imagine – having both your thumbs and both your big toes cut off? I read that and stopped dead in my tracks, trying to think just what that would be like. How humiliating. Especially for a warrior – instead of a steady and purposeful walk, I’d always forever after be wobbly with unsure feet. And that’s not to mention never being able to handle a sword again which I think was the weapon of choice then. I mean, how’d I even hold a fork? You know a lot of scientists say that the biggest difference between humans and other mammals are our apposing thumbs…………. Needless to say I spent several days just pondering having my big toes and both my thumbs cut off.
I just kept going back time and time again to these two verses and I finally landed on that 2nd verse. King Adoni-bezek himself had done this very same thing to 70 kings who afterwards were reduced to gather the scraps from under his table as they were no longer able to provide for themselves……
When I was a little girl, I loved to hang out with the adults. Listen in on their conversations and maybe if I was lucky be the center of attention for a little while. I remember it feeling so good, and eventually I’d start acting out a little – something my Mother called being “brigaddy.” Any of you ever hear that word, brigaddy? Anyway I’d start showing off, and one of the adults (usually one of the Aunts) would look me straight in the eye and say, “Little girl you’d better watch yourself, cause you’re going to reap what you sow.” Might not always be those exact words, sometimes it was “Laugh now, cry later;” Or “won’t be near as much fun if your Daddy catches you acting like that!” Man did they know how to dampen a party and bring me down. Because regardless of their exact words, I got their meaning! I was acting badly and I was going to pay for that bad behavior! I was going to reap the consequences for my behavior.
The more I read the more it seemed to me that King Adoni-bezek must have grown up around some of my relatives because he certainly was “getting” that same concept. He himself said, “As I have done, so God has repaid me.”
Now while I believe that there are consequences for my behavior, it doesn’t always set well with me when I’m pondering God’s mercy and grace in the New Testament with His “an eye for eye and a tooth for a tooth” in the Old. Any of you ever think like that, or am I the only one?
I mean it sort of seems that God is pretty ticked off through a lot of the Old Testament. Just look how quickly the victory in chapter 1 of Judges turns to God’s anger in chapter 2. It seems almost instantly the Israelites have gone and done it again and it isn’t near as much fun when Daddy catches them acting badly again!
Judges 2:20-23 (NLT)
So the anger of the LORD burned against Israel, and He said, "Because this nation has transgressed My covenant which I commanded their fathers and has not listened to My voice,
21(I also will no longer drive out before them any of the nations which Joshua left when he died,
22in order to (test Israel by them, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk in it as their fathers did, or not."
23So the LORD allowed those nations to remain, not driving them out quickly; and He did not give them into the hand of Joshua.
So which is He? Is He the “Eye for an Eye,” God or the “Mercy and Grace,” Savior?
No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t come up with an answer that made sense to me, so I decided to just keep reading and trusting that God is love and love is all about mercy and love is all about grace and trusting is all about faith. Faith that even when I can’t understand and don’t have the capacity for it that God is always faithful and true and can be trusted. Then I came to the third chapter of Judges.
Judges 3:1-2 (NLT)
These are the nations that the Lord left in the land to test those Israelites who had not experienced the wars of Canaan. 2 He did this to teach warfare to generations of Israelites who had no experience in battle.
Wait a minute, maybe it’s not about punishment at all. Maybe it’s about discipline? One definition of discipline is; “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior.”
God wasn’t just being mean, punishing the Israelites for bad behavior. He was disciplining them – teaching them to be warriors so they could defend themselves. He loved them so much that He wanted them prepared for life and even though it was in His power to do so, for some reason He just didn’t hand it over to them - they had to do some work for it. Really sounds like a parent doesn’t it. His heart was for His children’s good, so He allowed a situation, circumstance, through which they could learn a specific character or pattern of behavior – He had an outcome in mind other than retribution! He wanted them successfully involved in their outcomes!
So this thought begs the question, when was the last time you had your thumbs and big toes cut off? What was your situation? Did you, like King Adoni-bezek, believe or even say, “God has repaid me?” Or maybe you tried to figure out what you’d done that made God mad enough to bring the catastrophe, this situation I'm seeing as punishment?
But let’s take a closer look.
Judges 2:11-16
The Israelites did evil in the Lord’s sight and served the images of Baal. They abandoned the lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They went after other gods, worshiping the gods of the people around them. And they angered the Lord. They abandoned the Lord to serve Baal and the images of Ashtoreth. This made the Lord burn with anger against Israel, so He handed them over to their enemies all around, and they were no longer able to resist them, causing them to be defected as as He had warned. And the people were in great distress.
Let’s continue....
Judges 1:16 Then the Lord raised up judges to rescue the Israelites from their attackers.
Now, let that all sink in just for a minute. How many times have I always focused on the “punishment,” here and not really comprehended everything that is being communicated.
1) They had been warned, time and time again - instructed on how to behave. Were told that they behavior had consequences. They refused to listen, like many children, believing they knew what was best and that they didn’t have to follow God’s
(Daddy's) instructions.
2) When their behavior opened the door to catastrophe, like most children do - they cried out to their Daddy (God) to take over and save them and get them out of a horrible situation (one created by their behavior).
3)God’s love for His children is so strong that even though it happened time and time and He knew they’d behave badly again and again, He stepped in with a plan to save them. (Judges 1:16)
He forgave them, put a plan in place that would give them the tools to be successful and it didn’t cost them anything. All they had to do was receive it. Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Sounds like mercy, grace and love to me. Sounds like I've been focusing on the wrong portion of the scriptures!
According to Timothy Keller’s book “Prodigal God;” “Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer - if the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn’t mercy.” But this doesn’t mean that forgiveness is free, “forgiveness always comes at a cost to the One granting the forgiveness.”
You see God not only stepped in with a plan to save the Israelites this time, but because He’s God, He knew that they’d need help time and time again. He knew that we’d never be able to manage it either on our own either. He knew that forgiveness would be costly, not to us - but to Him. As Keller writes, “Jesus was stripped naked of His robe and dignity so that we could be clothed with a dignity and standing we don’t deserve. On the cross Jesus was treated as an outcast so that we could be brought into God’s family freely by grace. There Jesus drank the cup of eternal justice so that we might have the cup of the Father’s joy. There was no other way for the heavenly Father to bring us in, except at the expense of our true elder brother.”
He loves me so much that He's willing to discipline me as any good parent does and He willing paid the costs involved in forgiveness. How awesome is that?
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