We Forgot Music

We gathered at the church with our immediate family and two best friends, so the church was mostly empty. The preacher performing the ceremony was from my parent’s church, he stood with a solemn expression just in front of the altar. No one thought to lower the lights and I was blinded by their glare as I sat three pews back beside my Mom.

Someone finally took charge, I don’t remember who, and I was directed to the front. My dress, pink over pink, was short - striking just above my knee. His suit brown, perhaps the first one his parent’s had ever gotten for him, and a green shirt. I was shocked by that green shirt, it just didn’t seem appropriate for the occasion.

My best friend stood beside me as my maid of honor. We arranged for his little sister to be flower girl but hadn’t bothered with actually bringing any petals for her to drop. Our wedding rings, plan gold bands to precious for us to trust to my nephew to carry as ring barer. His father’s words still ringing in my ears of our irresponsible in spending money on such nonsense as those rings.

As I stood just in front of the preacher waiting for the service to begin, my mind traveled back over the past two months. His mom’s anger and never ending lament of “How could you do this to me?” His father grim statement, “Well son you’re stuck with her now;” speaking as though I was invisible and not standing there right beside his son as he spoke.

I couldn’t figure out why my parents allowed his father, after long fervent insisting, to take me on that mad trip to Paris, Va (without them) thinking we could “secretly” get married there even though only 17. Or his bringing us into his kitchen and chastising us (me) for telling someone that I was pregnant as though anyone with any awareness couldn’t easily see that I was only gaining weight around my waist. Besides it wasn’t like it was going to be going away.

The Ceremony finally began and was over very quickly. The only sound I remember, the clicking of my knees as I tried to stand still and pay attention to what the preacher was saying.

I signed the marriage license then as he signed his name, I stood just behind him twisting the wedding band round and round on my finger wondering if I just say it right now and take the ring off before we walk out of the church that this craziness would end and we’d not be married. I could just go back to being a senior in high school.

But I didn’t say a word - just stood there in total silence and to this day the one memory that over shadows all others is the deafening silence. The wedding, with no joy, no congratulations, and absolutely no music.